Fishing for an English Nuance

A couple of years ago, my grade 11 learners in Namibia were taking a practice exam in preparation for their upcoming national exam.  It's important to note that English is Namibia's national language, although out in the bush tribal languages are commonly spoken as the first language.  From grade 4 and upwards, all classes are taught in English.  Therefore, the kids spoke English competently - more or less - but they still needed a lot of help with reading, writing, and listening.  Anyway, back to the story. 

Part of the exam consists of listening comprehension.  They listen to the dialogue and are supposed to fill in the blanks accordingly.  On this exam the listening portion was about a boy getting ready to go fishing.  He talks about the different things he should bring with him.  One of the questions looked like:

We should take several items with us on our trip.  We need bring a __________, __________, and __________.
The first two were easy – fishing pole/food – and the learners didn’t have trouble.  The last one, however, caused some confusion.  In the last blank the learners overwhelmingly wrote – some protection. 

We need to bring a fishing pole, food, and some protection.

Photo provided by FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Of course this is open to interpretation, but when reading it naturally the first thing that popped into my mind was condoms.  Or perhaps a a firearm.  They were going to bring a fishing pole, food, and condoms.  Fair enough, there’s been a big push for the use of contraceptives amongst young adults in rural Namibia.  However, still wrong!

After marking the exam, I handed them back to the learners and together we went over the most common mistakes.  None of them could figure out what they did wrong with this question.  We listened to the tape over and over.  They were adamant that they were right.  However, the word that was throwing them off was ‘some.’  The correct answer was 'SUN protection.'

Now in Namibia they emulate British English, and since I’m American I told them I was unaware if this same expression applies in this context.  I told them that in regards to American English, depending on the context, 'some protection' could be interpreted as being condoms or even a gun.  Of course all people wouldn't interpret it this way.  I guess it depends on the generation you grew up in.  Or maybe I just had sex on my mind since I wasn't getting laid at the time.  Regardless, I told them that Americans would typically say 'sunblock' instead of 'sun protection.'  But that didn't really matter since some of the students were completely unfamiliar with the concept of sun protection.  They had never used the stuff.      
They all laughed when I told them that I thought they were talking about condoms.  The more creative learners played along and said they were in fact talking about condoms.  They told me I was hearing it wrong and the answer was 'some protection.'  They said that people always bring protection with them while fishing because Namibian fish carry STD’s.  They assured me, "You NEVER go fishing without a condom.  It's dangerous!"  It was funny attempt at trying to get me to mark the answer correct.  But still wrong!

So What the Hell is a Gerund???

I remember my very first day of teaching.  The lesson plan called for gerunds.  I had no idea what gerunds were, and even less of an idea of how to explain them.  Let's just say that first lesson went about as smooth as all those gerund pick-up lines you hear at the bar.  i.e. - Unsuccessful!

So for anyone that may be wondering, 'What the hell is a gerund?' allow me to explain.  A gerund is a noun that is derived from a verb which ends in –ing.  Here are some examples: 

1.    I like reading.   

2.    Reading is fun. 

In the first sentence, structured Subject–Verb–Object, reading is a noun that acts as the sentences direct object.  In the second sentence reading is again a noun, but this time acts as the subject in the Subject–Verb–Adjective arrangement.  Perhaps the only thing less exciting than teaching gerunds is sitting there having to learn them.  But don't listen to me, I have a personal bias against gerunds.  They've never lent me a helping hand.  You hear about all these other people getting lucky using gerunds.  I guess I'm still waiting patiently for that right gerund to come along. 

Which Gerund Is He Using?
Photo by: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Gerund Pick-up Lines at the Bar (Good Luck!)

• Do you feel like going back to my place?
• I can't help falling in love with you! 
• Showing off is what God did when he made you.
• Smoking is hazardous to your health... and baby, you're killing me!
• Do you have a band-aid?  Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.
• You must like dancing with the devil, because you're hot as hell.
• Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? (No gerund, I just think that's funny.)

Pop Quiz!

How many gerunds can you find in this post?  I think I have the answer, but maybe I'm wrong. 

Salud!

This past year I worked at an orphanage in the DR.  Every Wednesday we did English Day, and put up expressions and sentences for the kids to learn.  One week we did Food & Drink.  We wrote down the expression to toast, “Cheers!” and its meaning in Spanish, “Salud!” which literally translates as health. 

A few days later everyone was at church and a friend sitting next to me sneezed loudly.  One boy, Wilson, who sitting right in front of us, turned around and whispered to her, “Cheers.” 

My friend and I both gave each other a puzzled look.  I thought it was a really strange thing to say.  A few minutes later, I realized why he said it and busted up laughing.  I told my friend and she started laughing as well.  In Spanish, when somebody sneezes they say, “Salud.”  Everyone started looking at us, even Wilson, which made us laugh even harder. 


Sneeze Fun Facts (And Nothing To Do w/ English)

• Sneezes are speedy!  "Sneezes travel at about 100 miles per hour," says Patti Wood, author of Success Signals: Understanding Body Language. She adds that a single sneeze can send 100,000 germs into the air.

• Did you know that the custom of saying "God bless you" after a sneeze was begun literally as a blessing. Pope Gregory the Great (540-604 AD) ascended to the Papacy just in time for the start of the plague (his successor succumbed to it). Gregory (who also invented the ever-popular Gregorian chant) called for litanies, processions and unceasing prayer for God's help and intercession. When someone sneezed, they were immediately blessed ("God bless you!") in the hope that they would not subsequently develop the plague. All that prayer apparently worked, judging by how quickly the plague of 590 AD diminished.

This second bullet point was taken from an article appropriately titles, Why do we say, "God Bless You" after a sneeze?  I found it on the internet - it must be true! ;)

Another English Blog is Born...

I've been teaching English overseas for the past six years.  It's taken me across three different continents, and has put me in contact with learners of all ages.  During this time I've collected some stories that illustrate misunderstandings in English learning due to cultural differences, nuances, or colloquial expressions.  Teaching has also made me realize just how crazy the English language really is. 

When I started teaching a long time ago, the first lesson I taught - prepackaged by the academy - was on gerunds.  As I looked at the lesson I thought to myself, 'What the f$#k is a gerund?'  Finally it dawned on me!  Not what gerunds are but something else.  Before I could teach English I was going to have to learn it all over again. Damn!

Years later I can confidently say that my knowledge of the English language has gone from Crap to Slightly Less Than Crap.  I am by no means a grammarian, and have sometimes embraced the improper English vernacular in the places I've lived.  That being said, I've started this blog since I'm in between gigs - ESL lingo for unemployed - and have been reminiscing a lot about my experiences.  I'm going to try and make it a little more interactive by placing various polls throughout the blog.  Here's the first. 

How Well Do U English?

Crap

Slightly Less Than Crap

So-So

Dilettante

Grammarian

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